When You Feel Like Giving Up Golf: Your Roadmap Out of Frustration

Let me paint a picture that I'm guessing feels familiar:

You've been taking lessons. You've been practicing. You're doing everything you're "supposed" to do. But when you have your golf clubs in your hands lately, you find yourself topping three drives in a row, losing four balls in the water, and wanted to snap your 7-iron in half over your knee.

You drove home from the golf course, the driving range or the simulator wondering why you even bother.

Here's what I want you to know: This feeling doesn't mean you should quit golf. It means you're in the messy middle of growth, and you need a different strategy.

I know this frustration intimately. Just two months ago, I had one of those rounds where nothing—and I mean nothing—went right. I'd been working with my coach on improving my drives and iron shots. I was rebuilding my swing from the ground up - figuring out how to get a bit deeper in my backswing, and for iron shots making sure the weight I put on each foot is balanced better. I was practicing. I was committed. But on the course? Every shot felt awkward, my score was embarrassing, and I sat in my car afterward wondering if I was fooling myself about this whole golf thing.

Then I remembered something that changed my entire perspective.

The Uncomfortable Truth About Growth

Philosopher G.K. Chesterton once said, "Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly."

Read that again, because it's revolutionary for us perfectionists.

He didn't mean we should try to be bad at golf. He meant that if something matters enough to pursue, it's worth doing even when you're terrible at it. The messy, frustrating, "I-want-to-throw-my-clubs-in-the-lake" phase isn't a sign you should quit—it's proof you're actually growing.

Here's what research tells us: 69% of people feel trapped in the same old routine, and feeling stuck intensifies over time if we don't address it. But here's the good news about your golf frustration—you're not stuck in routine, you're stuck in progress. There's a huge difference.

Neuroscience research shows that when we feel stuck, our sensory brain networks actually shut down in response to stress, leaving us only with our critical, analytical thoughts. That's why you can't think your way out of golf frustration. You need to feel your way out by reconnecting with why you started playing in the first place.

First Things First: Fix Your Mindset

When you're spiraling in frustration, you're probably thinking in terms of immediate results. "I should be better by now." "Why can't I hit my driver straight?" "Everyone else is improving faster than me."

Stop.

Think long-term, not immediate gratification.

Take yourself back to your original "why" for getting on the golf course. Was it for career networking? To spend time with your partner? To challenge yourself with something completely new? To finally say yes to those company golf outings without fear?

That why hasn't changed. Your current 3-putt doesn't erase it.

When you do the small things with excellence—one good chip shot, one solid drive, one confident putt—eventually over time you'll string all those small wins together and be blown away by your progress. But you have to give it time.

I'll be honest with you: I started golf as a total beginner a few years ago. Learning as an adult was brutal. But today, I play in a weekly ladies league, take golf trips with my girlfriends, and feel comfortable joining any company golf event. I have a handicap of 34—which means I'm not a scratch golfer, but I'm no longer that woman who was terrified to step onto the first tee.

How did I get here? Not by having perfect rounds. I got here by having hundreds of imperfect ones and showing up anyway. (And by the way I STILL have lots of imperfect shots and rounds of golf, but being connected to my WHY keeps me coming back!)

Reconnect With the Fun

Here's a question that might sting a little: When did you last actually enjoy playing golf?

Not tolerate it. Not endure it. Not show up out of obligation because you'd already paid for lessons. When did you last feel that spark of joy on the golf course?

Think back to that moment. What were you doing? Where were you playing? Who were you with? How can you recreate that feeling?

Maybe it was playing a relaxed 9 hole short course with your best friend where you didn't keep score. Maybe it was that one perfect shot that sailed exactly where you wanted it to go. Maybe it was laughing so hard at your own terrible shot that you couldn't catch your breath.

You need that fun, relaxed feeling back. It's not a luxury—it's essential for getting unstuck.

When I'm frustrated with my game, I go back to the driving range or the simulator with my golf friends. We hit balls, we laugh, we don't take ourselves seriously. We definitely don't critique each other's swings. That relaxation, that permission to just bewithout pressure, always helps me remember why I love this sport.

Get Realistic About Your Goals

Let's talk about your expectations for a minute.

If you've been playing golf for less than three years, expecting to break 100 consistently is like expecting to run a marathon after training for a month. It's not realistic, and that unrealistic expectation is fueling your frustration.

Set both short-term and long-term goals that actually make sense:

Short-term (next 4 weeks):

• Play 9 holes while staying positive, not giving in to those negative self talk thoughts

• Focus on one golf club causing you issues and commit to a focused practice session with that club - whether that’s with an instructor or on your own!

• Switch up your warm up and practice routine to get ultra dialed in on putting - it’s such low hanging fruit for improving your score.

Long-term (6-12 months):

• Establish my handicap and track my progress

• Play a full 18 holes and enjoy myself, regardless of score

• Feel confident accepting golf invitations for work events

Notice what these goals have in common? They're focused on your game and your experience, not on comparing yourself to someone who's been playing since childhood.

Here's another reality check: Use a stat tracker. Your USGA Handicap app can has the ability to track all stats you as you play your round of golf! You might think your driver is the problem when actually it's your short game. Data doesn't lie, and it helps you focus your practice where it matters most.

Practical Steps to Get Unstuck

Now let's get tactical. Here are specific actions you can take this week:

Treat yourself to something just for fun. Get a new ball marker. Buy that cute golf skirt you've been eyeing. Order a new glove in your favorite color. It sounds silly, but these small acts of intention remind you that golf can be joyful. They're symbolic of giving yourself permission to start fresh.

Explore a new course - perhaps a fun par 3 or executive length course. When you play the same course every week, you develop mental baggage with every hole. "Oh god, here's the hole where I lost three balls last time." A fresh course with zero expectations can work wonders for your mental game.

Change your golf company. I love my regular golf group, but sometimes playing with the same people means falling into the same patterns. Earlier this year, I played with a woman I met at a clinic, and it was so refreshing. She had a completely different energy and suddenly I was seeing my game through new eyes. She literally found something positive to say to each person in the foursome on each hole - and I loved that!

Book those lessons (or that first lesson). If you're not taking lessons and you're frustrated, this is your answer. A few sessions with a golf professional will be the best investment you make. Period.

If you ARE taking lessons, cut yourself some slack. Here's what nobody tells beginners: Your golf game will get worse immediately after a lesson before it gets better. You're changing muscle memory. Even small adjustments to your grip, stance, or posture require a re-adjustment period.

You might adapt in a few weeks. Or it might take a couple of months. But I promise you'll find the feeling your coach is describing if you practice and stay patient with the process.

And please—you need to practice between lessons. If you're taking lessons but never practicing, you really don't have room to complain about your on-course performance. (I say this with love, but it's true.)

Consider changing coaches. I hate to suggest this, but sometimes a coach just isn't clicking with you. I once had a coach who used constant baseball analogies. Problem? I've never played baseball or softball, and those references meant nothing to me. It wasn't his fault or mine—we just weren't a good fit.

Find someone whose teaching style matches your learning style. Some coaches are very technical. Others focus on feel. Some use video analysis. Others keep it simple. You deserve a coach who speaks your language. Don’t feel badly about switching - you don’t need to announce, explain or provide an excuse as to why you are not booking another lesson with a coach you’ve used in the past. Just try someone else and you’d be surprised how a new approach to instruction might help you.

The Science of Small Wins

Psychology research shows that the vast majority of times we feel stuck are situations where we actually do have agency to change our circumstances. You're not powerless here. You just need to shift your approach.

Research on getting unstuck reveals that action—any action—delivers a psychological jolt to the sense that you're stuck and incapable of making progress. It doesn't have to be the "perfect" action. It just has to be something.

That's why I'm giving you this list. Pick ONE thing from this post and do it this week. Not three things. Not everything. Just one.

Book one lesson. Buy one new piece of gear. Play one 9-hole round at a new course. Send one text to a new potential golf friend.

Small actions create momentum. Momentum creates confidence. Confidence creates better golf.

What I Wish Someone Had Told Me

When I was at my lowest point in my golf journey—when I genuinely questioned whether I should quit—I wish someone had told me this:

The frustration you're feeling means you care. It means this matters to you. And that's exactly why you shouldn't give up.

People who don't care don't get frustrated. They just quit at the first inconvenience and move on. But you? You're still here. You're still trying. You're reading this blog post looking for answers.

That tells me everything I need to know about you: You're a fighter. You're committed. You just need to adjust your strategy and reconnect with your why.

A few weeks ago I went away for a weekend of golf at a local resort, and had my best rounds in months. Nothing about my swing had magically changed overnight. But I'd stopped fighting myself. I'd reconnected with the fun. I'd adjusted my expectations. I'd practiced the specific areas that needed work.

And you know what? I still shot over 100. But I enjoyed every single hole.

That's the win I'm chasing now. And I hope it's the win you'll chase too.

Your Next Move

Growth is uncomfortable. Change doesn't happen overnight. Anything worth doing—including getting comfortable and confident on the golf course—is going to feel hard sometimes.

But here's what I know for certain: On the other side of this frustration is a version of you who confidently accepts golf invitations, who enjoys her time on the course, who has built meaningful connections through this sport, and who's proud of how far she's come.

That woman is worth fighting for.

So pick one thing from this post. Do it this week. And then come back and tell me how it went. Drop a comment below or DM me on Instagram. I want to hear about your wins—even the tiny ones. Especially the tiny ones.

Because those small wins? They're the ones that add up to something extraordinary.

Now get out there and play well.